I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS! (well, I used to at least)

I was a bit hesitant to purchase anything other than a Honda, but last January when the last of our Honda Civics was totaled, and we didn't have the money to buy another one, I decided to try and have a more open mind with car brands.  (Side note: we haven't had the best of luck with cars lately.  Please click on these for details - Civic #1, Civic #2, Replacement #2, and Replacement #2 again.)  Anyway, after looking at several different cars over a week or so, I found a nice little Dodge Stratus.  It seemed very well maintained, ran well (so I thought), and I could say, "I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!"  (For those who do not know the reference please click here.)  I was excited about that, and the dealer gave me what I thought to be a pretty good deal...

Last Saturday my friend Mike and I were talking about cars.  He told me that Stratus' we rated as the least reliable cars in America.  I joking told him, "Thanks for telling me now, but at least I can say I drive a Dodge Stratus."  Approximately 52 hours later I was driving home from work.  I decided to come home early to help out with Koby because Megan wasn't feeling well.  I was enjoying some sweet tunes as I pulled off the freeway.  I started hearing a strange sound and figured I would need to take the car in.  I stopped at the stop light, and that was the end...  My only friend the end...  I pushed the piece of $%&# to the side of the road (please excuse my language).  A cop happened to be right behind me.  He pulled over and instead of asking me if everything was ok, he had the audacity to ask me if the car was in fact mine.  Are you kidding?  I wanted to kick him in the shins.  He didn't even help me push, he just told me to make sure the car was gone in a few hours.

Well, I started walking home and I saw another car in a ditch on the side of the road.  There was a man, who looked homeless, going through the car and getting stuff out.  I figured he was a bum looking for whatever bums look for.  Then he turned around and I saw his face was all bloody.  My being the slow person that I am thought to myself, "Wo, did this bum just get into a fight?  Maybe he is crazy and he got into a fight with himself... that would be kind of weird to see.  (Started picturing a scene from Me, Myself, and Irene where Jim Carey character fights himself.)"  Then I saw that the air bag were deployed and everything started coming together.  I called 911 and waited until the paramedics got there.

I finally got home and had my uncle help me tow my car to a shop.  The mechanic to one listen to the engine and he knew what was wrong.  He told me that I was going to need a new engine.  He said he would check around for prices, but it would most likely be between $3000 and $4000.  Ha!  That's what I paid for the thing!

So we are now out of a car.  I will never buy a Dodge again, even if I will be one of the few in the lower-middle class that can say "I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!"  I miss my Civic.  That baby had 300,000 miles and was still running like a charm.

Anyway, after much thought, I have decided that I am boycotting cars.  I still need a good way to get around, so I did some research on different transportation methods.  I would like everyone who reads this to help me decide on my future mode of transportation.  Please vote for which way you think I should get around.

Here are the options:

Heelies:

These are classic.  They would make me feel like I was 10 years old again, but they wouldn't be the best going up hill.

Camel:

I would love a camel.  How much do they eat?  Are they OK in the snow?  What kind of gas mileage do they get?  Tough decision.

Bike w/ white tires:

I am a huge fan of beach cruisers.  I love the white tires.  My only addition would be a surfboard rack on the side (unfortunately I live in Utah, and there isn't much use for a surfboard, but it would still be cool.  If people asked me, "What's with the surfboard?"  I could be like, "Wait, was I supposed to take a right on Santa Monica Blvd?  I was way off.")

???:

I don't even know what this is, but if a Chinese kid can enjoy it, I think I can too.

Again ???:

This looks kind of fun, but I am sure I would need knee guards and a helmet.

Segway:

I could be like GOB from Arrested Development!

Spring Shoes:

I would need to get a space suit to go along with these.

Unimotorcycle:

Way cooler than a regular motorcycle.  I think Harley should make so of these.  Can you imagine how intimidating a biker gang would be on these?  Scary...

Walker Bike:

This one might be my favorite.  My only dilemma would be what shoes to use.  Can you imagine if I combined this bike with the Spring Shoes above?  That would rock my world.

Couch Bike:

This would be cool, and if we got a big enough couch, the whole family could enjoy it.  Do you think we could do this with a sectional?

Things that make you look like a Gazelle:

If I got these, I would want to get a clown costume with the extra long pants so it would make me look tall, and if somebody gave me a weird look I would be like, "Haven't you ever seen someone with 6 foot long legs?"

What's your vote?