Friday, May 13, 2011

Job Opening

Job Description

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills.  Must be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and this wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right. 
Sounds like a tough job to me, and this is only the description for a mom.  Can you imagine if they added the job description for a wife to this as well?  Laugh at his stupid jokes.  Deal with an over grown child.  Put up with a plethora of smells and stenches.  Smile whenever he tells you about his new business idea or that he wants to switch careers.  I don't know which one is harder, being a mom or a wife...

Anyway, I thought this was interesting, according to this site, click here, Megan should be making well over $170,000 per year for everything she does...  I personally think she is worth a little more, but that is just me.  I might be biased.

In all honesty, Megan does amaze me.  She is a wonderful wife and mother.  This morning she was up at 6:30am making waffles because Koby got up early.  In a few weeks she will be dealing with a newborn on top of that.

Megan is a caring, patient, and kind mother.  She never raises her voice with Koby.  She always takes the time to explain things to him.  She always takes every opportunity she can to teach new things to Koby.  She plays Hot Wheels, teeball, basketball, rides bikes and scooters, plays in the sand box, blows bubbles, does side walk chalk, jumps on trampolines, goes down slides, cooks breakfast, lunch, and dinner, reads books, colors, plays with play-dough, goes on walks, cleans the house, does laundry, and about a million other things I have failed to mention.  And this is all while she is 9 months pregnant.  Crazy.  I know I couldn't do it.  If I had to be pregnant, I would be sitting on the couch watching TV and making my other half do everything I just listed.

Megan is always thinking about her family, putting their needs before her own.  I don't know if she ever has a free minute to do something for herself.  Our home is always clean an in order.  For awhile I was convinced that we had a launfry fairy, because the shirt I wore the previous day was already clean and hanging in my closet.  She is an awesome cook.  If you don't believe me, just have her make you some oreo cookie cheesecake.  She is great at keeping me motivated, at whatever it may be.  She is an awesome personal trainer.  It's nice having one around all the time, except for when she warns me about liquid calories...  She is a great example, a hard worker, and a good friend.

Megan is a great mom, a wonderful wife, and to top it off she is my best friend.  I am so grateful and lucky to have her in my life.  This is a little late, but Happy Mother's Day Meg!  Happy Birthday too!  Koby and I love you like crazy!  So will that little guy baking in your stomach right now...


- Just as a note for clarification, there isn't a "job opening" for the position for wife and mother in my family, I just thought it was a clever title.  So for those who have sent in you resume and application, I am going to have to kindly reject.  Sorry...

9 comments:

Tammy said...

haha! Love it!

lisamarie21188 said...

Ha ha this is great. So glad you married a pretty cool girl :)

Tawna said...

Sweet James. I am glad she loves you and puts up with your weird stenches as well, because we all love Megan. :)

Malerie said...

Megan IS awesome. I'm so glad you recognize that and appreciate her! :)

Brittany said...

wow what a perfect description of a mom! and i agree, megan is the best!

Rachel DeFreese said...

Man, I have an AWESOME family! Loved this!

Desiree P said...

Very cute! I have to disagree with the chance of promotion though. After 20+ years there might be a chance to be promoted to grandma. They say it's less work and more benefits.

rjd said...

Very well said. And to top it off they have babies! Nothing I'd volunteer for. Megan you're the Best!

The Way I See It said...

What a sweet tribute to your wife. She IS amazing!